Today my Ex came back from staying with his new girlfriend overnight. My ex lives in the cottage on the same property, while I live in the main house with the kids. On the way home he called in to see his parents. I wondered if they knew he was seeing someone else. I asked, and they have known for a couple of weeks. That made me mad and afraid. I think his mother will be pleased to see the back end of me because of the tension in our relationship (or lack of one). I imagined she would feel a sense of relief. That though hurt, it cut deep, just like it did when she wouldn't speak to me for three years after I set a boundary over the care of my children. Why did it hurt? Does she feel like she's won. At what cost? Does she even care about me? I don't think so. I question myself about why it hurts so much. For her to react in that way she must have been deeply hurt by someone else in the past. So why do I hurt inside? It must be my past hurt. The closest I can come to this feeling is being so alone when my mother gave me the cold shoulder, because I went against her in some way. Is that it? Feeling rejected because I set boundaries. I though I was bettering the relationship with his mother when I set boundaries. Honest communication of my thoughts and feelings instead of saying nothing and seething with resentment which would surface in inappropriate ways as meanness. In the form of passive aggressive behavior. I think she was indulging in some passive aggressive behavior herself. I don't think she was used to being approached in such a direct manor. I wasn't rude or mean when I said it, perhaps a bit mad in response to certain memories I was reliving during the discussion, perhaps a bit mad when she said she was leaving tomorrow as if to say I should put up with it until then, cause it would all be over, and she would be gone. That's not nice. She will have her way at my expense and it would keep happening every time she visited. I had to speak up or seethe in silence. Well, I suppose I should be proud of myself for resisting slipping into passive aggressive mode. If I avoided starting a war with her I would have started one within myself. Mind you, she didn't have to respond the way she did either.
